By Allison Bucher
When I was in my late teens, my grandpa passed away. He was one of the first major deaths in the family that I had experienced. Aside from family pets (which are incredibly devastating in their own way), nobody close to me had died. Trust me, I know how fortunate I am to say that—as not everyone has had the same experience.
After his passing, we’d go visit my grandma but it was never the same. His empty chair sat in the living room like a candle burned down to its wick. The aroma of “Grandma and Grandpa’s house” still lingered in the air but the empty space made my brain pause briefly, staring intermittently at his empty chair as memories flooded my mind.
I experienced something similar when my cat died. There was a slightly indented spot on my bed where he’d curl up every night and morning. He was faithfully there waiting for me to wake up. Until one day… he wasn’t. His spot became empty. The spot where his bowl was, became bare. A collar that once hung around his neck, now lay on the dresser still and quiet. Every time I walked into my bedroom, that small feline-shaped indentation on my bed made my brain stop for a moment as memories momentarily paralyzed me.
It’s strange how the absence of something so familiar can create major ripples in our day-to-day lives and disrupt our routines. Our greatest strength (and greatest weakness) as humans, are routines. Habits. Familiarity. Our brains grow so accustomed to things — doing things, seeing things, hearing things — that it’s hard to imagine our life without them.
But that autopilot gets thrown off when something abruptly changes. I saw my grandpa in his chair in the living room for so long, my brain struggled to accept it when he suddenly wasn’t there anymore. My cat slept in the same spot on my bed for so long, my brain couldn’t quite register it when he suddenly wasn’t there anymore.
Our habits become so much a part of us that we leave behind empty spaces all over the place when we’re gone. Our spot on the couch. Our side of the bed. Our seat at the dinner table. Our seat in the car. Our desk chair at work. You’d think with all those empty spaces, sadness would be an easy thing to wade through. But it’s never quite that simple because where sadness is, grief is too. And grief is heavy. It’s thick. Like quicksand, the more you struggle the harder it seems to get out.
The only thing I’ve found that can pull me out of the pit of grief is Jesus. Now don’t get me wrong, grief is a healthy thing. But like anything, if we let it consume us, it can become a prison. One that keeps us locked in the past instead of walking forward in the freedom and hope of Jesus Christ.
Sometimes it feels like those empty spaces can only be filled with grief and fading memories. But we can trust in God to lighten the sorrow. To replace some of the grief with peace, the kind of peace that only God can provide.
In Psalm 34:18, we’re reminded “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” And Psalm 147:3 reassures us “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Where the empty spaces are, God is present. He stays near us in our suffering.
And God meets us where we are. In our pain. In our sorrow. In our grief. God meets us in the middle of the mess every single time. There is no place we can go that God cannot reach us. As Psalm 139:7-12 reminds us:
“Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.” There is hope in dark places and fullness in empty spaces. God can pull us out of the pit of grief and give us peace beyond all understanding. He works in ways we will never understand and faithfully, in His own time, he will make our broken hearts whole.
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