By Melody Vanosdol
God is always faithful. I’m still working on it.
I remember well the first time my husband swung at my head. I only had two grandchildren at that time. They were 3 and 6, sitting in the back of the car at McDonald’s. My husband and I were right outside the car. He raised his cane to swing at me. As he did, a young man, maybe 15 or 16 years-old piped up in a quivering voice, as loudly as he could, “That’ll be enough!” I was so distraught; I apologized to him. He let me know that he wasn’t talking to me.
I didn’t realize it then, but that was the beginning of my first panic attack. It would take me a while to realize that’s what it was. Needing to calm down so that I could drive and keep my grandchildren safe, I called my best friend to help me calm down. I didn’t realize it then, but that was the beginning of the documentation.
It was incredibly hard to tell my daughter that this had happened in front of her children. But with a long history of being responsible, reliable, dependable, and accountable (a point of pride), I had to be the one to tell her. She then became my second point of documentation. These two beautiful women, with love and prayer, without judgement, documented every incident of every size for the next three and a half years. They are God’s provision.
My husband did agree to go to marriage counseling. Once. I didn’t realize it then, but once our minister told him, “That’s wrong.” he had stopped listening, permanently.
Thus began three and a half years of leaning on God like I never knew possible. I would take refuge in the sunroom while I was home, listening to my devotions, doing Bible study, anything to immerse myself in God’s Word. Most of my prayers were jumbles of emotions that wouldn’t have made any sense to any human being, much less the one trying to pray. But God is close to the broken-hearted. He understands the groans of our hearts. He is the great protector.
I didn’t realize it then but God was using every hard and horrible moment to build a relationship with me that would become unbreakable. Romans 8:28 tells us that God will use all these to benefit those of us who love him. It doesn’t mean he’s going to make that thing work out or fix it (at least not by our definition). But he will use hard times and negative situations to build us up and make us stronger in faith, to grow us closer to Him.
God will never abandon you. He will never leave you. This is a powerful promise God makes to us in Deuteronomy 31:8. You can trust God’s promises. Remember that trust is faith. I promise there will be times you feel alone, like God has left you. I’ve been there. Even as faith-filled as all my friends think I am, I still find myself feeling alone or abandoned at times. Your feelings will trick you. The world will try to teach you to follow your feelings. Don’t listen to them. Follow God’s Word. It is infallible. Your feelings will cause you all kinds of anguish. If you’re old enough to be reading this, I’ll bet they already have. If you feel abandoned by God, I promise you that you are the one that moved. God will never leave you. He made a promise.
God is always faithful. I’m still working on it.
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28).
“I have loved you with an everlasting love. That is why I have continued to be faithful to you” (Jeremiah 31:3).
“The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged” (Deuteronomy 31:8).
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