By RaeLynn DeAngelis
I woke up this morning feeling… off. Something was gnawing at me just under the surface, barely discernible, but definitely there. I felt an underlying sense of gloom, but had no idea why. It was strange; I had no pep, no motivation, I just felt blah. It wasn’t until several hours later, when I picked up my phone and saw the date, that it hit me. October 29th. It was my dad’s 88th birthday. His second birthday in heaven.
Grief is so strange; isn’t it? It hits when you least expect it.
I thought to myself, it’s odd how the heart just knows.
Even when we are not fully aware, cognizant, or keeping track, our spirit is keeping time. Some might call it the biological clock. I call it the grief clock.
I’m told it can happen to anyone, at any time, and it’s usually triggered by some type of significant loss that has happened in the past, like the death of a loved one, a divorce, or some other significant life change. Grief can lay dormant in the mind, body, and spirit for months, or even years, and then suddenly something brings it to surface: a change of season, a smell, a taste, a sound, a thought, a memory. It may even be triggered by a song. One moment we are fine; the next moment we are not.
God knew it was coming. Of course He did. He knows everything. Not only did God know that I would be overcome by grief that day, but He prepared me for it ahead of time. Although, it was only in hindsight that I now recognize it.
My husband and I are reading through the Bible this year, and I can’t tell you how many times the passages have been perfect for what’s going on in the world and our personal lives. That’s not surprising. The Word of God is living, active, and God-breathed (Hebrews 4:12, 2 Timothy 3:16-17). Out of all the passages that we could have landed on this day, God had us reading the story of Jesus raising Lazarus from the grave found in John chapter eleven. As I look back now, I see God’s compassion for our grief.
“On his arrival, Jesus found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb for four days.Now Bethany was less than two miles from Jerusalem,and many Jews had come to Martha and Mary to comfort them in the loss of their brother.When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went out to meet him, but Mary stayed at home.
“Lord,” Martha said to Jesus, “if you had been here, my brother would not have died.But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask.”
Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.”
Martha answered, “I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day.”
Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die;and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?”
“Yes, Lord,” she replied, “I believe that you are the Messiah, the Son of God, who is to come into the world.”
After she had said this, she went back and called her sister Mary aside. “The Teacher is here,” she said, “and is asking for you.”When Mary heard this, she got up quickly and went to him…”
“When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.”
When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled.”Where have you laid him?” he asked.
“Come and see, Lord,” they replied.
Jesus wept.
Then the Jews said, “See how he loved him” (John 11:17-28, 32-36)!
“Jesus wept” is the shortest verse in the Bible and it packs a powerful punch. Why? Because Jesus met Martha and Mary right there, in their grief. He even cried with them. He felt their pain, even though He knew what He was about to do, which was to raise Lazarus from the dead.
Knowing that Jesus grieves with me (even though He’s fully aware that my dad is more alive than ever) touches my heart deeply. So deeply, in fact, that now I’m crying all over again.
Friends, our Lord is kind and compassionate. He enters each tender moment with us and says, I’m right here. I’ve got you. I will carry you through.
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
Looking for a way to connect with God daily? Check out our daily devotional books: Living in Truth Day by Day *** Living in Truth Mind, Body, Spirit ***
