By Rhonda Stinson
A door can change your entire perspective.
Recently, my dad was asked to speak and mom and I were asked to sing at a friend’s funeral. I had gone there for grandma’s funeral, so I knew where the entrance was. As I neared the building, the parking attendant told me I could go in through the back door. Upon entry, I greeted everyone and tried to get my bearings. I had a completely different perspective due to entering from another direction. I noticed several small side rooms along with the main service room. The Dennis George funeral home is a small building, yet I just couldn’t figure out why the layout on the inside looked so different. It was due to the fact that I had entered through a door different from the one I’d entered at grandma’s funeral. My focus was different too. I was in grief at grandma’s funeral and my mind was on her. At Jim’s funeral, my mind was clear and I felt honored and blessed to be able to sing at his funeral. I was able to observe the people present and my surroundings.
Have you ever thought about your assessment of a person by the door you enter? I’ve found women to be more sensitive to what others say or don’t say to or about them. I’ve seen them make assumptions about what they think others think. I heard a quote that sums this up, “It’s not what I think about myself. It’s not what others think about me. It’s what I THINK OTHERS THINK about me.”
For example, one woman stopped helping out with kitchen duties at special church events. She THOUGHT that the head of the kitchen slighted her. The woman in charge invited a couple other people to help out because she had intentions of getting younger people who could carry out the duties as the older generation stepped down. The lead knew she couldn’t wait until the last minute to teach preparations and skills that took her years to learn. The woman who quit was so mad that she didn’t wait for an explanation or seek the truth.
I also had a recent experience. My friends invited me to their house for a get-together. I RSVP’d a week earlier. The day of the event, I had to cancel. I was very tired and still had to get the rest of my lesson done to teach the next day. I felt awful for cancelling! My friend didn’t answer her phone so I sent a text apologizing and explaining the circumstances. The next day I didn’t hear from her and began thinking, “Oh no, she’s mad at me!” I worried the entire day that she and her husband were upset and thought of me as irresponsible and undependable. The next day a text came in. My friend apologized for her late response and said there was no cell reception at the meeting place in the woods and that they had spent hours cleaning up after family and guests went home. They went to bed at 2 A.M. and slept late. That same week they invited me to a pizza party at their house. Being sure, I didn’t make the same mistake twice!
I have to admit, communication is one of my weakest areas. Too often, I choose to sit and worry instead of calling the person directly to hear the truth about their thoughts and intentions. For example, I have a relative who thinks that the women in her subdivision are conspiring against her. Instead of lovingly approaching each woman individually and asking questions, she goes around being hurt and spreading gossip about them. A co-worker was moody one day. I didn’t let it get to me because I knew I wasn’t the problem. I could’ve been hurt by her shortness and silence, but figured she’d open up at some point. When she did, she explained she had a conflict with her son and that she was on her period. What if I had chosen to treat her like she was treating me? I would have missed an opportunity to counsel her and witness her healing.
Satan desires that we, as Christians, walk in self-doubt, pity, shame, regret, anger, unforgiveness, and resentment. If you are showing signs of any of this rotten fruit, it’s time to begin looking through a biblical lens. As you begin searching, reading, studying, and praying, your fruit will begin to change. People will begin to notice your faith, laughter, and love. It’s easy to get a certain perspective on a situation or a person, but begin entering through a different door and see if there’s anything you’re missing.
“For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” (2 Corinthians 10: 3).
“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you” (Philippians 4: 8-9).
“Those who trust in themselves are fools, but those who walk in wisdom are kept safe” (Proverbs 28: 26).
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it” (Proverbs 4: 23).
“Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body” (Ephesians 4: 25).
“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold” (Ephesians 4:27).
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