By Rae Lynn DeAngelis
The parent/child relationship is one of the deepest bonds we can have here on earth. And because this bond is so strong, it holds the greatest potential to inflict heartache and pain. (This is true whether you are the parent or the child.)
At a time when graduations and weddings abound, many mothers are dealing with conflicted emotions. It’s exciting to watch sons and daughters move-on to the next phase of life. But it can also be heart wrenching. Moving on is often synonymous with moving away, physically or metaphorically. Getting married, graduating from school, heading off to camp… the maternal heart knows no difference, so we celebrate and grieve at the same time.
Letting go as a parent, allowing children to spread their wings and fly on their own, is an extremely difficult process. God gives us the gift of children and we invest so much of ourselves into their lives, and then, all at once, we’re supposed to just let go. It feels so unnatural. Sometimes, the maternal apron strings feel like they’ve been cut with a machete, especially when so much of our identity and purpose has been wrapped-up into raising kids and caring for our family. Been there. Done that.
Sometimes parental heartache is the result of watching our children turn away from God. We can only stand on the sidelines and pray, hoping God leads them back to the foot of the cross where our fervent prayers lie in wait. All the while, we desperately cling to the promises of God, holding fast to biblical anchors for the soul like this one: “Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it” (Proverbs 22:6 NIV).
Other times, parental heartache is the by-product of feeling disconnected (either physically or emotionally). Maybe our children have moved to a different state or are busy raising families of their own. Letting go is hard, but deep-down we know it’s God’s way. “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24 NIV). But it’s still hard.
And then there are times that we don’t see eye to eye with our offspring. Perhaps they have chosen a different path than we had hoped or dreamed. Our disappointment may even create conflict or tension. There’s usually something at the core of our discontent.
Unmet expectations.
As parents, we have hopes and dreams for our children, and when these are unfulfilled, it’s natural to grieve. But in the end, we must allow our children to go their own way. After all, it is along their individual life-path that they learn and grow. Love them where they are, lay them at the foot of the cross, and continue pouring all of you into all of them.
Your job as a mom may look different throughout each season, but it’s definitely not over.
“And then [we] will be able to boast on the day of Christ that [we] did not run or labor in vain” (Philippians 2:16 NIV). [emphasis mine]
