By Lindsey Jones
Tonight I wanted to listen to worship music that I hadn’t heard in a little while. So, I went back to my music library, and I stopped on a song I had not heard in a long time. I got in the shower and more and more music from a different season of my life started to play. As I was listening, I started to see the different things I was going through when I downloaded individual songs. It put me in awe. The Lord started to show me how far I had truly come in my walk with Him and how I have learned how much I truly needed Him.
In the past, I would take things and hold them in my hands while saying I was leaving them to the Lord to take care of. In reality, I was giving Him a small piece of that something, because I couldn’t give Him all. That would mean I didn’t have control of the situation. Not giving up that control and trying to do things my way was just hurting me more than anything, but I didn’t realize it.
I have been someone with weight and body image issues my entire life. I can not even remember a time where I did not see myself as the bigger girl. I was so mean to myself, I would call myself names, and I would just sit and look in the mirror in disgust thinking, “Who would ever want me? I’m too fat and too ugly.” And that was as a child. I remember being in the sixth grade and tying a dark gray warm up jacket with a green stripe going down the sleeves around my waist because my pants were incredibly tight and I was ashamed to let anyone know how uncomfortable they were. I thought tying the jacket around my waist would hide how I felt on the inside. I remember actually telling myself that if I did not lose weight by the time I graduated from high school, I did not want to go on. Life was too hard, and I didn’t want to live in this body any longer.
It is crazy how we allow the enemy to creep into our minds, plant these seeds, and we water them starting to believe they are true. Well ladies, I am here to tell you something! We serve a God who is so much greater than any thought, habit, or anything we can imagine. The Lord loves us! He does not want to see his children suffer in the depths of their own minds. He is calling out to you. Calling you by name saying, Lindsey, Sarah, Mary Joe, whatever your name may be, “I am here. I love you, and I want to grow closer to you. I want to hold your hand and pull you out of the depths of your thoughts and give you freedom, a freedom only I can give. But you have to allow me to come in and help you. You do not have to walk this alone. I know you are hurting, and I am here for you.”
God gave us an AMAZING book full of truths. He wants us to use it to renew our minds. He wants you to look in that mirror and see beauty. He wants you to see you through his eyes. He wants you to see the masterpiece he created. There is only one you. There will only ever be one you, and He loves you just the way you are, love handles, gray hair, crazy eyebrows, and all. He loves you so much, He sent His one and only son to die so that you can live in freedom.
I am happy to say that now, looking in that mirror, I am beginning to be able to see things through His eyes. I still have my days, but those days do not last as long, and I remember that He “knitted me together in my mother’s womb.” (Psalms 139:13). He wouldn’t knit something that was not made with love and beauty. I am so grateful that He is giving me beauty from what I felt was ashes.
“My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be” (Psalms 139: 15-16).
See ladies, it is written…. He already knew what our bodies would look like. He had each and every day ordained. Whether you are a size 30 or a size 3, He loves you just the same. Each and every one of us has a story. So how do you want to live yours? In the lies? Nah! Lets live in the truth of knowing that He wants to set you free! There is only one way to do it. Let go of the pen and hand it over to the one who started your story.
