By Sheree Craig
Growing up, I loved numbers. Math class ranked first as a favorite. The equations made sense and a solution always came in the end. I still love numbers. Knowing I can find a solution is comforting. The ability to make sense out of something is calming. The control of factors and an explanation seen on paper provides satisfaction.
I believe, for the reasons described above, this is why I chose numbers in life to find worth. When life began to spiral out of control, I reached for numbers to find comfort, peace, and worth. I calculated calories, assuring not to exceed the amount required to remain a specific weight. I exercised an exact number of minutes to burn the calories to equal food intake. Crunching all these numbers daily provided control in life when everything else made absolutely no sense.
The obsession fed my eating disorder (no pun intended). I worked diligently to control all factors and align all numbers to reach a weight that provided comfort. Yet, each time the desired number appeared on the scale; it was never enough. I could do better. I just needed to change the numbers around for caloric intake, exercise time, etc. All these thoughts consumed my thoughts, which left no room for hardships in life, the disappointments and sadness.
Throughout my journey, I realized numbers do not bring happiness or determine worth. The numbers will not provide healing in life. Allowing myself to feel emotions is a good thing; running from them magnifies the pain. Attempting to numb, bury, or ignore emotions leads to self-destruction. I am guilty of such destruction.
Thankfully, God met me in the darkest of times, took my hand, and led me down this journey of healing. The journey feels rough at times. Triggers appear throughout the journey that tempt me to go back to destructive solutions to find peace and run far away from emotions. Choosing to stay on the straight path is difficult at times. . . but worth it! He will lead you to healing.
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
6 In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6
I now work in a doctor’s office and weigh every patient that comes through the door. I hear every woman grumble as we approach the “dreaded scale.” The women will remove coats, shoes, purses, keys, cellphone, hats, and anything that could add an ounce to the number seen on the scale. Unfortunately, I see young girls doing this routine as well.
This moment in time communicates the view these women hold for themselves. I want to sit them down, tell them how beautifully they were created and that a number does not determine their worth. I desire for them to break free from destructive thoughts surrounding a wavering number. Life is not a math equation. Value is not determined by a number.
We place importance on multiple wavering factors: the number on a scale, the opinion of another, money in our accounts, number of friends/followers on social media, responses to posts made on social media, etc. We search for worth in this life based on numbers.
Our worth comes because we were created by God. He places high value in the children He created. His plans and purposes for us goes beyond what we can think or imagine. The path laid before us holds mighty value. Focus on Him. Let His Truth speak to your spirit, and he will teach you what it feels like to know real value. Let’s take on the year 2020 by standing on His Truth. Let’s see clearly our worth found only through Him.
You are worthy. Your life matters to God. Your value is not determined by a number. Your value was determined on the cross.
“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8).
