By Rae Lynn DeAngelis
I was about seven years old, sitting in the church pew with legs dangling, waiting for my first confession. The smell of recently lit candles wafted past my nostrils, a reminder that I was on holy ground. The magnificent sanctuary was nearly empty. My classmates spread a good five feet apart, no doubt a barrier to keep us from needless chatter while we waited for the sacrament of Penance.
I remember feeling very anxious. What if I forget what to say? Or worse yet, what if I say something out of order? I shuttered at the thought and rehearsed more vigorously what I was supposed to say… Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. This is my first confession…
Each time the confessional door closed, the hollowed sound reverberated off the marble walls. Muffled voices followed. I secretly wished I could hear. When the door reopened, my classmate looked no worse for the wear. That was encouraging!
Some confessions were quick. Some were longer. I assumed some had more sin to confess than others. When it was my turn, I wanted to run but couldn’t. I had to face my fear of the unknown like everyone else.
As I entered into the closet-like confessional, I noted an unexpected smell, a combination of old musty wood and men’s aftershave. I was thankful to see a privacy screen between me and the priest. With my identity hidden, I sat down, swallowed hard, and muttered my rehearsed confession. I painted with broad strokes to ensure I covered all the bases. After all, seven years is a long time.
When I ran out of things to confess I fell silent and waited for my penance (or as my seven year old mind processed it – punishment). If memory serves me correctly, two “Our Fathers” and three “Hail Marys” were sufficient to wipe the sin-slate clean. I went back to my seat, kneeled down, and began to pray.
Back in the classroom, we compared our penalties. We decided more prayers equaled greater sin… or at least that was our understanding of how it worked. Forgiveness had to be earned, and prayer was the punishment, a mindset that took years to overcome.
It was not the church’s intent to warp my perception of confession and prayer. But it was the enemy’s!
Do you know why?
Confession releases us from feelings of guilt. Prayer reconnects us with the Holy Spirit and fills us with Peace. The enemy doesn’t want us experiencing these things. He wants us imprisoned by guilt and shame. Confession and prayer are important spiritual practices that allow us to walk in our God-given Purpose. These are not things we have to do. These are things we get to do! I didn’t understand it as a child, but I do now.
We don’t have to confess to a priest. We can confess directly to God, or we can confess to a trusted friend or loved one. Friends, the enemy has power when things are kept a secret, but the minute we confess our sins to one another and bring our sin into the light, the enemy loses control over us. Prayer is not a form of punishment but a way for us to turn away from sin and turn back to God.
Prayer is a special time of intimacy with my Heavenly Father. It is the means through which I have developed a deep and abiding relationship with Jesus. No fancy words. I just talk to God like He’s my best friend, because He is. And when I combine my words with God’s Words, my devotion time becomes even more fulfilling! Incorporating scripture has become one of my favorite ways to pray. Here’s an example:
Lord, you are my all in all, my Rock and my Redeemer (Psalm 19:14). Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely (Psalm 139:4). Your love and forgiveness knows no bounds (Romans 8:39). When I come before you in humble submission and confess my sin, no payment is required because you marked my debt paid in full (John 19:30). Search me, O God and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in my and lead me in your ways everlasting (Psalm 139:23). I can’t get enough of you, Jesus. I am like a broken cistern that leaks. Pour into me each and every day. (Jeremiah 2:13) Give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name (Psalm 86:11). I am yours, Lord, now and forever. Forgive me, renew me, and transform me. Thank you, Lord, for answered prayer.
