By Alison Feinauer
This weather has me so thrown off! One day it’s hot. The next, it’s freezing cold. One day we have snow showers, and the next we’re wearing shorts and a t-shirt. I mean, come on!
Lately, that’s how I feel I’ve been with God. One day I feel super close, and I’m being present with Him. Another day, I fly out of bed, and don’t think twice about inviting Him into my day.
If I’m honest, I often treat Him as a houseguest, like the one I keep at the front door while I tidy up the house, clean the toilets, light a candle so they don’t smell my nasty garbage disposal and trash that needs to go out. It’s like I only want Him to see the “best” part of me.
Jesus wants me everyday, on my best day, on my worst day, rain or shine, snow or tornado. He wants me in no makeup, the mess, me laying on the bed trying to get my pants buttoned (if I only suck in a little more). He wants me when I’m disappointed that I’ve turned to food for comfort once again, or frustrated that I’m still looking in the mirror and picking myself apart. That’s how close He wants to be with me. But will I let Him into the shame and struggle?
I know that the only way to do this is to get comfortable being myself with Him. When I’m quiet and still, I can get raw and real with Him. That’s when He speaks. He restores. He resurrects.
When I feel like I can handle my ED on my own, the struggle on my own, I think that’s when He’s knocking the loudest. He wants me to let Him in. He’s gentle and won’t barge in. I have to invite Him. Like MLK said, “It’s in the darkness we see the stars.” That’s when I notice Him most. On my darkest days and my loneliest nights, that’s when I notice He’s missing.
The song “Let Me” keeps playing in my head. Here’s the Link to it.
Play the song, close your eyes and Imagine the Lord is singing this to you.
I am, I am, the one who comes to you
You are, you are, the one I’ll make new
If you’re picking up the pieces, let me
If you’re fighting all your battles, let me
If you’re backed against the wall
If you’re barely holding on,
If you need someone to save you, let me
I see the wreckage of your life
You think you’re too broken, not in my eyes
If hope’s the war, I’m your battle cry
Where death claims your purpose, I claim new life
If the mirror is your enemy
You’re made in my image, in victory
If your burdens weigh with no relief
There’s room on my shoulders, my hands and feet
Resurrection starts with me
Your resurrection starts with me
I ask these questions of myself: What am I trying to do on my own? What am I trying to control and fix by myself? What does it look like to “Let Him”?
I say to each of you going through your day, fighting your battles, wondering if you can carry this burden any longer, Let Him. He will do it for you if you let Him.
Action steps I encourage you to take this week are to: set a timer, turn everything off, no talking, let Him speak to you. It might not happen right then or it might. Practice being still. I often imagine myself cuddled on His lap like a little girl with Him running His hands through my hair like I’m His most precious daughter. This is where He wants to be. This is when He moves. Start with 5 minutes. Trust me; it’s worth it. This could be where “letting Him” starts!
Be still before the Lord, all mankind, because he has roused himself from his holy dwelling (Zechariah 2:13).
The Lord will fight your battles, you need only be still (Exodus 14:14).
The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. (Psalm 23:1,2)
