By Rhonda Stinson
“Are you kidding me? Why would you ask such an absurd question? Of course I want to be made well!” Let me introduce you to my soul-mate, the man with the 38-year infirmity mentioned in John chapter 5.
There was a pool called Bethesda, which means “House of Mercy,” in Jerusalem. An angel stirred the water in this pool at certain times and those who entered the water first were healed of whatever disease they had. There was a man who had an infirmity for 38 years. From verses 6 and 7, it looks as if he might have been crippled or something of this nature. Gathering from verse 14, his infirmity was probably the result of some earlier sin. Jesus saw him lying there and knew exactly how long the man had been afflicted by this infirmity and said to him, “Do you want to be made well?” I don’t know about you, but it kind of looks like Jesus was trying to wake him up out of his helpless and hopeless state of mind. Could it be that this man was so comfortable and felt so safe and secure in this state of being that he had “made it his bed” for a lifetime?
Notice in verse 7 when he gives what could be a “lame” excuse of, “Sir, I have no man to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up; but while I am coming, another steps down before me.” Is this invalid man placing his lack of healing on others or is he stating a fact? The end of the verse caught my attention because of his statement, “while I am coming”. Either he had some ability to walk or crawl or it was a moving of something else such as a spiritual movement of his heart.
This is pure theory. But it leads up to a point I want to make about my own journey. This man had been lame for so long that the thought of being well was scary and unfathomable. He lay by the pool and saw many healed by the water, yet was still skeptical. Maybe he thought the healing was true for others but certainly not for him. He could’ve been very insecure and fearful of what he might encounter if he was to be healed. Could it have been a scary thought to think of the changes that might occur after the healing? A fear of the unknown?
I have more questions about this passage than I do answers. But I know one thing; I was an invalid in the sin of addiction. I’d become an invalid physically. My body was so thin and frail that my legs could barely function at times and my brain was barely functioning enough to drive a car. Through the course of many years, I thought I wanted to be well. But did I really? I was afraid. Afraid of a future without the comfort and appeasement of addiction, afraid of the failure of being unable to “do” life, afraid of having to give up control to someone (God) I didn’t have trust in, afraid of other people constantly watching and judging every move I’d make if I was to be healed.
I was flat out FEARFUL!! The fear was crippling. And I was in bondage to it the majority of my life. I wanted to be healed overnight too. I wasn’t up for the work and energy that would probably be involved in a lengthy healing process. Although I had no idea that this was truly my heart, God knew better. He knew the exact second I’d be ready to willingly offer up my idols in order to join with Him. Let me tell you right now, the state of misery I was in was more horrible than any physical affliction I have had. I lived each day like I was dying. God knew I had reached the end of myself…my self-centered life. The day He revealed Himself to me will forever be an immovable pillar in my memory.
Before this time, this man was definitely physically handicapped to some degree. But he was also spiritually handicapped. I think (purely opinion) that when the lame man said ….“but while I am coming…..” showed a heart change. It is in the present tense like he is saying to this Man (Jesus) standing before him, “I want to give it all up, I’m done living in this miserable state and I’m ready to trust in a Power greater than myself.” When a sin-ridden, crippled, lame man admitted, “I am powerless,” God then took the initiative and said, “I AM THE RESURRECTION and the LIFE”.
Full surrender, friends, is where God wants us to be. Until we are stripped of everything in us that makes us think we have something within ourselves that can set us free, other than the mighty hand of God, we are deceived. When I honestly bowed before Him and confessed that I’d tried everything I could in order to be well, but failed miserably and was ready to trust Him and believe that His will and way were the only means to freedom, He took the burden.
God, teach me to lean, teach me to pray, teach me to follow, trust and obey.
