11/2: Got called to fill in at the school. I had the chance to work with a new person. She was relieved to see that I knew what I was doing.

Started a new book by Priscilla Shirer called “Fervent.” She lays out the groundwork for strategic prayer.

11/3: I’ve been very depressed. My whole body feels weak and achy. The woman who gave me the computer can’t remember the password and has no password reset disk. I tried every way I could think of to bypass it to unlock the computer, but all failed.

I did laundry and lazed all day. I’ve been severely nauseated. I’ve been down since the day I stopped eating pudding and yogurt. I just have to keep trusting God and moving forward despite my feelings.

11/4: Went grocery shopping with mom. After lunch, I went to my room and cried myself to sleep. As I cried, I praised God and thanked Him for being my strength and refuge. The last time I remember crying myself to sleep was back in the spring when I’d lost so much weight that I couldn’t use my insulin pump. God brought me through the storm, and now I’m in my weight range for the first time since inpatient rehab about 16 years ago. I continued to recall God’s faithfulness in my life, and then I was crying because it was overwhelming to think that He loves me so much.

11/6: Got some troubling news when I got home from work. It concerns my brother Brad. I didn’t even feel like eating lunch after hearing it, but I did anyway. I’ve been in much prayer for him, and God gave me a peace about the situation about an hour later. It troubles me, even more, when I see my parent’s anxiety and grief. It’s hard to believe the picture of the adorable little baby boy that sits on the dresser is the same one who’s walking such a dark path. He doesn’t even realize that his life is affecting his baby girl in every way. It’s so hard to see such a small child continually angry, frustrated, and rebellious. Another problem is lack of discipline. A child who isn’t disciplined by parents becomes a child who doesn’t feel loved by his or her parents.

11/7: After work, I went to volunteer for the PAWS rummage sale prep. I was asked to help outside because most of the volunteers were inside, so I agreed. It was chilly, but not too bad. I was so tired after dinner. I fell asleep praying, but was refreshed and ready for more after a fifteen-minute nap.

11/8: Got sad news that my friend’s wife died unexpectedly. He’s experienced several losses over the past few years. He lost his best friend (his dog) 2 years ago and is still not completely over it.

I worked at PAWS again. The workers are growing weary and frustrated because the number of volunteers decreases. A few told me this is the last sale they’re doing because it’s getting to be too much to bear. I hate to see them so disheartened. My doctor scheduled me to see the endocrine doctor next week due to the problems I’ve been having.