Rhonda's Recovery Journey

“The footprints we leave behind show clearly where we have been, but they do not dictate where we can now go.” ~Ralph Martson

Week 63

8/25: I am depressed today. I was on the porch waiting for the hummingbirds to come around, and when I didn’t see them, I began thinking that maybe they migrated already. My heart sank. I was sad because when the hummingbirds leave, it’s a sign of things to come—cool weather. Seasonal depression is not fun. If I could migrate with the birds, I would.

Dad wanted to buy me a silver chain for an old pendant I found. He wanted to show his gratitude for all of the work I did yesterday. I picked beans and corn and helped in preparing, canning and freezing it all. It took all day, but it’s worth it to be able to eat garden veggies in the winter. Nothing beats half-runner green beans!

I didn’t exercise at all today.

8/26: Went to yard sales and grocery with mom. Picked beans when I got back. After lunch and a walk, I visited a friend from church who’s in the hospital. She had her leg amputated due to diabetic complications. Diabetes is a dreadful disease. I loved the time I spent with her!

Went to drop off veggies at Brad’s house and play with Ava for a while. Brad’s friend was there. Amanda went out of town until tomorrow and was concerned Brad might take this opportunity to drink. Ava ran to me and squeezed me tight. The next thing I knew I was being yanked out the door into the back yard by a barefooted, topless child. I told her to get her shoes and shirt on. We wandered in the cemetery and returned. Brad tried every way he could to get me to take Ava for the night. I am almost sure he was looking for a way to get out and drink the night away. He gave me an off-the-wall story about where he wanted to go for the night and swore he’d be back by 8:30 tomorrow morning. Does he think I was born yesterday? He even tried to make me feel guilty. I politely declined the babysitting offer and started praying on the way home. God is the only One who can take away Brad’s desire for alcohol. It broke my heart to see Ava so sad when I said I had to leave. I wanted to just swoop her up and take her home with me.

8/27: What a long day. I stayed for the church picnic after church and then had choir practice. After the picnic was over, we began folding and stacking chairs. I left my table for about 1 minute and returned to my table to pick up my glucose test bag. It was gone and my car keys were hooked to the zipper of it. So many people searched. They even sifted through the garbage bags. After a long search, we gave up. Mom and I made our way to choir practice. Better late than never. After practice, I made everyone aware of the missing item. Many were very concerned and took time to search the premises again.

I returned home and went to Wal-Mart to get more test strips and then took a nap. I was beat. Mom, dad and I decided to get the trash bags out of the church dumpster and recheck them. We hit the jackpot after dumping and searching through about 8 bags! I was so relieved and many in the church were too. Times like these remind me of how caring the people of our church are. They would go to any length to help anyone. I love my church family!

8/28: I had a terrible headache all day at work. One woman gave me Aleve and the other aspirin. Neither helped. It was a long and painful day. I took severe allergy and sinus pills when I got home and ate a snack. It worked. Oh what a relief it is!

8/29: I’ve eaten lunch at work the past 2 days so I can be around people and out of my comfort zone at home. My anxiety about eating with people is almost gone. It’s a good feeling.

I’ve been studying the tabernacle for the past week and I started studying about the temple too. I’m learning so much. I’m starving to learn.

8/30: My back is killing me today. It aches sitting and standing. I tossed in bed all night trying to get comfortable. When I did fall asleep, I had nightmares, but I haven’t been too tired today.

Spent much of the day doing yard work. I was thinking about how far God has brought me within the past year. It’s amazing to think that I had extreme anxiety eating with people, and I’d never think about touching a real beef hamburger to my lips. To think that I ate a hamburger at the church picnic brings joy to my heart. Honestly, veggie burgers taste so much better.

To read Rhonda’s backstory, click here.