Rhonda's Recovery Journey

“The footprints we leave behind show clearly where we have been, but they do not dictate where we can now go.” ~Ralph Martson

Week 56 & 57

7/6: Had some fun working on the “memory sticks” I’m designing for the nursing home programs. I hope my concept is welcomed and enjoyed. I’ve come to realize that the senior community is far too ignored. The elderly have so much to offer, and they are often overlooked. They need love, care and a sense of purpose as much as the youth in society. God values all, and I long to show them this through the programs I bring.

I sat to observe the hummingbirds in the back yard. What a magnificent tiny bird!

I ate a spicy sausage that upset my stomach. It left me bloated and gassy all evening. I still enjoyed Music on the River. Even got a little dancing in on the song “Shout.” I absolutely love oldies music!!!

7/8: Brad wanted to drop off Ava so he could get a drug test done for the job he applied for. Amanda accidentally took the car seat, so mom went down to watch Ava while Brad came up to print out the papers he needed. I sensed that he was setting up the day to drink while Amanda was at school in testing all day. I hope I’m wrong.

I checked my sugar mid-morning and it registered 458. Whoa!!! What in the world??? I gave myself a manual shot and took out my pump to see if it got bent under my skin. Nope.

I went out to weed-eat and after 15 minutes, I was feeling very weak and started blacking out. I thought maybe it was due to the high sugar or heat. I went inside because I could hardly stand up. I checked my sugar again just out of curiosity. It was 41. No wonder I was ready to faint. My glucose monitor obviously registered wrong with the 458 reading. That little machine glitch could kill a diabetic!

Went to mall with mom and dad, and called Brad when I got there to talk and let him know I care. He swore he hasn’t had a drop and told me all about how accountable he is to his sponsor. He talked for almost an hour, which made me think he was drunk. All I can do is pray for him and show my concern.

7/9: Another good day at church. Mom and I were asked to sing next week because the scheduled singers will be out of town. We accepted. It’s hard to find music we can sing a duet on because both of us have low voices. I would love to get an acapella group together with sound affects!

7/10: I was the only one in the office today. The time goes by so quickly, but I managed to get a lot done. Had a leader’s meeting with LITM group. It was a delight to see them again.

I still have a swollen stomach. It’s on my mind a lot. I try to hide it with loose fitting clothes, but I can’t even button my pants anymore. It took so long finding pants that fit well and now I’m busting out of them. Ugh. I just want to experience normalcy.

7/11: I love my job!

When I was doing my quiet time in the field, a doe and her baby came out of the woods. They stood about 6 feet from me and just stared. It was so odd to have deer staring at me at such close proximity. After admiring their beauty, I began talking to them. I told mama how foolish she was to bring her little one so close. I suppose she didn’t feel too threatened. After she snorted and stomped a couple of times in an attempt to get rid of me, they both turned around rapidly and shot into the woods again.

7/12: I watched a YouTube video by Heather Hutzel. I deeply respect and admire people who use every minute of their time wisely for God, and she is one of those people. Something she said inspired me to do my Bible study and writing at the beginning of my day instead of the end. I tried it and it made a big difference in my actions and my thinking, even with food and exercise.

Mom found a great upbeat song to sing for Sunday. We’re going to liven it up a little with a small hand drum and clapping. God loves a joyful song of praise!

Dad and I got into a dispute before dinner. He accused me of throwing his words back at him in a negative way. I have absolutely no idea what he was talking about. He asked, “Do you think that onion is hot?” I said, “No, do you?” That really set him off. I immediately began to defend myself. He lit my fire! I didn’t even feel like eating after that, but I did. I’m wondering, could this be another sign of dementia? I hate the thought of him getting it, but I’ve been seeing so many signs of the possibility. I hope not.

7/13: Today was a little rough. I did great on the exercise and eating. I started and ended the day with quiet time. It has been hard resisting exercise and yogurt. I feel so tired and depressed when I don’t get exercise. It’s depression.

Dad and I looked everywhere for our small roto-tiller, but found it has been stolen. I feel bad about the way I over-reacted with dad yesterday. If I had to do it over, I would have been calm and tactful. I tend to lash out when I’m falsely accused. I get defensive instead of remaining calm and in control. This is an area I need to work on.

7/14: Tired again today, and every bone in my body aches like arthritis.

I worked on the project for the nursing homes. This is more time-consuming than I anticipated, but I enjoy doing it and hope they do too.

After work mom wanted to go to a one day sale at Goody’s. Buy 1 (including clearance) item, get 2 free. After spending time in the dressing room, she ended up with one that she liked and I had 2. I’ve never had to purchase casual/dress clothes for a job. Now’s the time. She wanted to buy them for me. It made me so happy and grateful.

7/15: Went to get a blood draw for thyroid test. I’m hoping that this is the reason for my fatigue and widened eyes because I really don’t want to have to go through a battery of more tests.

Dad and I spent the afternoon together. I had to lie down in the truck because I was so tired. This just isn’t normal for me. Something is wrong. Took a nap before dinner too.

I spent the evening enjoying nature. The hummingbirds are so fun to watch. I tried to find a way to keep the ants from climbing up the tress that holds the bird feeder, but was not successful. I tried everything from packing tape to honey. They just don’t stick. I wonder if ants have non-adherent feet.

7/16: Had a blast singing a duet with mom at church this morning. I’ve been overflowing with joy and praises in my heart and on my lips all day.

Had a meeting to get the menu semi-finalized for the pastor’s conference.

Mom and I made a trip to Kroger for the 99-cent ice cream deal. The freezers were almost bare. An employee said that people were there at 5am to get the deal. If America ever had a shortage of food threat, I do believe people would instantly rush to the supermarket and clear all shelves. Even when the meteorologists predict a light dusting of snow, people rush to the supermarket and hoard food.

7/17: I had a hard time at work trying to focus all of my August ideas into one theme. Mom agreed to play a couple of songs on the piano for the program tomorrow. I’ve noticed a nearness, a close relationship with God again. I was beginning to fall away from that relationship I so long for. I want to know and experience God as Moses did. No, I want to know and experience God to the ultimate limit. I desire Him and Him only!

7/18: I asked mom to play for my program and she did a wonderful job! They all enjoyed it very much. Even the woman who is quiet and sweet participated in every part of the program today. It’s good to see her opening up. Afterward, I was asked to go to the room of one of the residents because she was interested in seeing if we had anything she could listen to. Her eyesight is almost gone due to eye disease and unsuccessful surgery. She’s looking forward to getting these items. She told me I was an angel sent from God. An angel, no; God’s messenger, yes. I have so much compassion for those who can’t do all they would like because of physical limitations. My heart aches for her and I am as excited as she is in getting these audio books. She wants to hear a variety of preachers and several books of the Bible.

7/19: It is sweltering hot! I took advantage of the heat to wash my car. I also put up bean stakes and did some mowing. I’m on a God-high. I decided to take advantage of the mission opportunity God gave me. I took my Bible and “A Shepherd Looks at Psalm 23” and went to read to the woman I met yesterday. She was overwhelmed with joy and gratitude. I told her I’d be back tomorrow to read another couple of chapters. Today she said, “You truly are a gift from God.” I am in tears just thinking about the way God equally loves each of us and all he does to be our “Good Shepherd.” I know we are both going to grow by these God-ordained meetings. It’s not by chance that I’ve been studying about David this past week!

Eating continues to improve. Exercise is up and down.

To read Rhonda’s backstory, click here.