5/4: VERY depressed. I got a ton of housecleaning done. I love empty space. Met w/a woman who helped me get insurance straightened out. She is also able to get me Rx’s from pharmacy or hospital if I run out before insurance kicks in.

That’s reassuring. I caught myself picking out “safe” foods at dinner. It scared me because it crept in so quietly, I almost went w/it. Had an enlightening study in Acts. Paul taken prisoner and put on a ship. I drew so many lessons from this one passage. The Spirit truly met me where I was at tonight.

5/5: Went to a street sale. Total washout, but 3 homes still opened their doors. I bought a hose nozzle, straw basket, and contact lens travel holder. No big bucks spent today.

Got a disturbing call today from my brother. God is the only One who can change him. I wish I could change him and his situation. I can’t but I can pray to the God who can! Do you base your faith on what God does or Who He is? I allowed this question to penetrate my heart and mind today and arrived at this conclusion: As we draw nearer and nearer to God, our vision becomes clearer and clearer. We begin to see the Invisible (faith), believe the All-Powerful, and do the impossible. The walk of faith refuses to sit on the seat of doubt. Dear God, help me to see as Elisha’s servant, Gehazi, did.

5/6: Dragging myself around again. When is this ailment going to take a hike? Got to babysit my niece. I taught her how to use grown-up scissors. She’s a pro. We popped popcorn and watched “Ice Age.” It’s so precious to hold this little life in my lap. Children are a blessing from God.

5/7: I just love my church and church family. Still feeling bad and neuropathy is worse than is has been. I have to just place my trust in God. He knows what is going on and knows the outcome. I praise Him in my infirmities and know they’re for a reason and for my good.

5/8: Worked at library, went for a walk and then headed out to pick up Ava (niece) from the sitter’s house. She was so happy to see me. This little soul has no idea the things that are happening in her family right now. I pray that God will bring salvation, restoration and unity within this family unit someday. I love each and every one of them from the depths of my heart and cry out to God continually for them.

As I was driving I tilted the rearview mirror to see Ava. She didn’t know I was watching her, but as I looked into her eyes and watched her actions, my eyes filled with tears. Alcohol is like a snake. Leave it alone and you won’t be harmed. Begin messing around with it and take your chances. Look into those precious little eyes and then choose the snake. Addiction constricts, binds and kills. I know God has the power over this and will continue to intercede on behalf of my loved ones. Took Ava to the park to play and then came home to eat, play, get a shower and watch a movie. Such a fulfilling day.

5/9: Got to learn some new things at work. I was so tired after lunch I had to sleep. I think yesterday wore me out.

5/10: Today was my youngest brother’s b-day and also my deceased grandma’s. My brothers are so dear to me and so was my grandma. What cherished memories I have of her!

Got the $5.99 haircut deal today. It turned out great to my surprise. It’s funny how a good haircut can make a woman feel so happy and pretty.