4/20: What a horrific day. Worst one yet. I was up all night long peeing, checking glucose, and giving shots. My glucose refused to go down. I’m beginning to wonder if my body is rejecting the insulin or if my pancreas is dying. I have been on the phone for hours trying to get insurance straightened out so that I can get my Rx’s covered. I always ended up at a dead-end, and I’m almost out of insulin. Extremely discouraged and helpless. I’ve been crying all day long.

4/21: I’ve been down and not feeling good. Ended up going to ER because I was concerned about blood sugars, cramps, widening of eyes, dizziness, nausea, etc. Mom and dad sat in the room with me. It was comforting having them there. I’ve been very confused lately and I knew my parents would be able to ask and answer questions asked by the ER staff. Doc said I was very dehydrated and my electrolytes, sodium, and chloride were a little low. He said many of my problems were a result of losing so much water through urine. When the glucose is high, I’m in constant “pee mode.” We were all tired and ready to get back home. I was released and got home at almost midnight. The bags of sodium water they pumped into me made me feel better and the cramps also went away. So thankful to God for all.

4/22: I woke up extremely nauseated and trembling this morning. After a hearty breakfast, mom and I went to the stores in town. I can’t believe I’m choosing foods higher in fat and protein. I had a spinach and feta chicken sausage dog for lunch for the first time. It was very good. Mom is keeping her watchful eye on me. Having more accountability is like having a security blanket. After lunch, we went to Florence. I’ve been fatigued and disoriented all day. It’s like I’m in a foreign land. I’ve managed to eat great despite the nausea and loss of appetite. So tired. Not well at all.

4/23: I’m still disoriented and in la-la-land. It’s so frustrating to have this brain fog. Mom, dad, and I went for a walk. This ill health has really slowed down my pace and desire to exercise.

Church sermons were meaty and the people seemed very chatty and chipper. After evening prayer time, I told mom and dad of the soreness and “burning” sensation in my bones, especially in my legs.

I’m beside myself because I’m too thin to put my insulin pump in any part of my body. I need the continual insulin from the pump overnight so that I don’t have to get up numerous times in the night to check my glucose and manually inject a needle. I decided to try it in my stomach. It hurt so badly. I burst into tears and endured the pain as I threw myself face-up on the bed. Dad came in to soothe me and offered pinning up a piece of skin on my stomach with clothespins so that the plastic tube wouldn’t poke right into my innards. And how exactly would one sleep with clothespins latching on? Out of the question. The pain and burning finally subsided. I hate to see mom and dad in such distress and pain over my condition. I ate a ton before I went to bed. I’m sick of being sick. I want poundage now! Dad slept in the spare bedroom in case of an emergency. I was riddled w/anxiety until 1pm and had to take a sleep med. I was afraid I’d die in the night. I cried to God for comfort and peace. I have heard several people say that God gives His children dying peace when it’s their time to go. I definitely have no sense of peace. I’m in much distress!!!!

4/24: I was thankful to awaken to the sunrise! Spent a long time trying to get insurance straightened out again so I can get meds. The insulin I have is only going to last another 2 days.

After a visit to the new nurse practitioner, I’m feeling better. She said I could possibly have a Vitamin B deficiency. She had anorexia/bulimia at one point in her life. She noticed my liver enzymes were very high and wants to check my gall bladder and pancreas. Hope to start on Lexapro once insurance gets straightened out. She also gave me a bottle of insulin. God definitely had this appointment lined up!

Ate a real hot dog today! I also had 5 Tbs. of flax oil.

Spent more time on phone with my insurance. I think I finally reached the right person. It still has to be reviewed by the state. Not sure how long that will take. She gave me the numbers of organizations that might be able to help in getting me the meds I need until this whole insurance mess is straightened out.

Added a peanut butter ice cream milkshake to dinner. I want to gain weight so badly!

4/25: Put in a full day at the library. I was so sick and tired I didn’t know if I’d make it through the day. Fully rely upon God.

I was starving at lunch. I had a high protein/fat microwave meal for lunch and could’ve eaten 3. I was famished. The extra almonds in my bag helped a little. I was going to go to the grocery and then walk a mile, but didn’t. My mind and body kept screaming, “No, don’t do it!” I came straight home after grocery and called a dear friend on the way back.

I’m drained of all energy, yet I have a joy I didn’t even notice earlier. I’ve been upbeat and talkative all evening. Anyone who knows me knows that I’m not the chatty type.

Ate a boiled egg, 1 piece of toast, a turkey sausage link, 1 Tbs. flax oil, 1 C. 4% cottage cheese, 1 pudding cup, and 1 serving of nuts before bed. Let’s just say, I had quite an appetite. I’ve gained 1.5 lbs. since 4/22. Yeeehaw!

4/26: Went for a walk and then to grocery with mom. The pharmacy got the glucose strips through my insurance, but the other meds are still up in the air. All I can do is wait.

Mom and I went to volunteer at the PAWS rummage sale. Everyone was worried about me. I’m usually there every day to help, but due to bad health and a full day of work, I’ve been a no-show for 2 days. These people are like family. I’ve never seen a more dedicated group. We are running very low on volunteers and donations this year. Everyone seems so down. Just a heavy spirit. I’m so frustrated. My mind is so foggy I am finding it hard to study and pray. What’s going on with my body?