4/6: Insomnia, horrible nausea, and depression are back again. Not a good day. Tonight I just could not focus at all in Bible study. I was getting so frustrated. All of a sudden, my heart heard God’s voice. Not an audible voice, but I could hear it. I obeyed and got out the laptop and wrote as I listened. This left me so joyful I could’ve participated in a “Riverdance” performance! So abundantly blessed by this display of God’s love and care.
4/7: This evening was the Women’s Spring Banquet. I haven’t been a bit nervous or fearful of eating in a crowd or of the unknown food to be served. The theme was being a servant(ant) of God. The little girls were dressed as ants and served us well! It was a wonderful evening. I’m so grateful to God for opening my eyes last June. He is continually transforming me. My relationship with Him is rapidly blooming and I have a heart to serve Him like never before.
4/8: Mom and I did our Saturday mother/daughter shopping at Goodwill, Dollar Tree and Kroger. After enjoying an afternoon walk in the sun, we went for a ride in the convertible. It’s weird, but the more I eat, the more my glucose level drops. I bottomed out to almost fainting stage tonight. I just want to feel well and healthy so that I can serve God with this temple He has given me (1Cor. 6:19). I want this temple to be rebuilt in 3 days, but I know that God takes long periods to rebuild because He first has to create a very solid foundation.
4/9: Experienced a wonderful day at church. This evening was a precious time in observance of the Lord’s Supper. God opened the door to two more serving opportunities today. God continues to build my faith. He has given me a heart of zeal to obey and follow Him.
4/10: Today was rough. It’s hard to see such a thin frail body and not be able to change it rapidly. I’m consuming a large amount of calories each day and seeing no change. It seems as if I’m getting thinner and more depressed. The nausea, cramps, and uncontrollable wrinkling of my forehead/widening of the eyes doesn’t help things. My blood sugar is rarely consistent. How can all of my labs and EKG be fine when all this is going on? Well, all is good except for the low sodium level. After calling a local functional/holistic type of doctor and finding out the costs and that he doesn’t accept my insurance, I have no choice but to wait on God and continue packing in the food. I picked dandelion stems out of the yard and ate them. I read that they are very nutritious and could help my sodium level. Who’d thought those little yellow flowers that pop back up the day after I’ve mowed grass would be beneficial to me. I’m beginning to have a great respect for these once annoying “weeds”.
4/11: The dandelions came back with a vengeance. Let’s put it this way; if I ever want a full body detox, this is the way to get it gone. The toilet seat was my companion most of the day.
Spent all of my time at work learning all of the library’s computer programs. My brain is on overload. Dad urged me to call the functional med’s office today and schedule an appointment despite the cost. He and mom know that I’m in dire need of a doctor who can help me, and if anyone can, it’s this one. Dad said that my health is more important than money and that he and mom will give what they can. I hate taking any money from them knowing that they don’t have extra money to spend. It breaks my heart. I’ve known many people who have been brought back to health through him. He is also a Christian, which makes him even more trustworthy.
4/12: I have had severe nausea again. Had to drag myself into work and then to the doctor’s appointment. I had to eat quickly on the way.
He is such a good and caring doctor. Those are hard to come by. Of course my weight, or should I say, weightlessness, was of great concern to him. He looked at the labs done by my endocrine doc and asked what the endo said about my AIC level being so high. I said he didn’t even pay any attention to the lab results because he was so focused on telling me I need a psychiatrist. The doctor (Dr. C) couldn’t believe that he didn’t say a word about this or any of the other abnormal readings. In the end, he told me to get Glutagenics to repair my stomach lining, schedule an appointment with a dietician to get a high protein/high fat meal plan and to weigh myself 2x/wk. He also wants me to email him the results to see if this plan works. If not, he’ll proceed in checking out what else might be causing the rapid weight loss and some abnormal lab readings. He wanted to see me every 2 weeks, but has to make it 4 because of finances. He was looking at my charts and trying to guestimate how much it would cost to do all he needed to help me, and I ended up just overwhelmed and helpless. I know I don’t have the money to do much, but I’m just taking it step by step. I know God will bless any step forward and going to this doctor was the first. God doesn’t just fill a need; He gives abundantly more than needed. Today He has abundantly blessed me with strength and renewal in advancing rapidly to eating foods that I’d avoided in the past. Thank you, God! Refine me; make me whole at any cost. This is when he said let’s just start by getting a dietician and ordering the Glutagenics.
When I got home, I ate a giant bowl of chili to start the new high protein/fat plan. I’m down but not out. I do believe God is using events like these to press me on toward full recovery though, by the looks of me, I look like I’ve been starved to death. I will continue to put my faith and trust in God to lead me to the life He has ahead.
I made a trip to Kroger to get some things to add to my menu. I bought 4% cottage cheese, nuts, Vitamin D (whole milk), peanut butter, and bananas. I’m ready for war tomorrow!