Rhonda's Recovery Journey

“The footprints we leave behind show clearly where we have been, but they do not dictate where we can now go.” ~Ralph Martson

Week 36

2/18: I have been sick to my stomach since I started on nutrition supplement drinks. I’m so nauseated. I haven’t been hungry for 2 days and even the thought of food makes me sick.

A dear friend did a lot of updating and cleaning up on my laptop! Thank you! It works great! Sometimes you don’t realize what you don’t have until you have it. The old has been made new.

My niece spent the night. She liked the doctor’s kit that I got her even though she has her own at home. Later in the evening she nestled in my lap and I read to her for a very brief time. She needed something more engaging so I found a game in which you look at the object given and try to find that same object hidden within another picture. I found that her eye/brain connection isn’t developed enough to play this game but she enjoyed it anyway.

2/19: It’s kind of funny that I had time to do a zillion things before church, one of which included entertaining a toddler while still being ready to leave for church on time. Dad was the one lagging behind at the last minute. On the way, he told me that Ava, after being told numerous times to leave the TV alone, decided to take his metal saxophone cleaning rod and run it across the TV screen. This child seeks to rebel. She is driven to do those things which are prohibited and refuses to do the things you tell her to do.

It was sunny and fairly warm so I took a walk after lunch. There is an issue I’ve been struggling with. I’ve been in prayer about it for over a year, but I still haven’t heard an answer. I will wait patiently.

Eating was good today except for dinner. I wasn’t hungry and didn’t get a well-rounded meal. I paid for it later because after church tonight I was double hungry. I had 2 evening snacks instead of one.

2/20: So tired today. My glucose hit almost 400 in the night and I was up 5x before 12:30AM using the restroom. I figured it had spiked when my thighs started aching, I became ravenously hungry and thirsty, and my stomach was so upset I could vomit. With a good shot of insulin, it leveled out to 120 by the time I woke. High blood sugar and insulin pump problems all morning.

My glucose test strips were supposed to be ready for pick up, but insurance won’t cover them without prior authorization. Here we go again! They have prior authorization that the doctor’s office did the last time they said this. This insurance makes me so mad.

Didn’t get to eat morning snack because glucose was high. I overdid the exercise. I was angry about having high glucose all day and used exercise as my release. I need to come up with better ways to cope with emotions. Exercise gives me such a high and I know that God is higher and mightier than this stronghold. “God give me the desire to cope with stress in ways that are pleasing to You because I can do nothing without You, but can do all things through You.”

2/21: Got glucose strips, no problem. Thanking God for taking care of things once again. I see God’s hand at work all the time, yet still, I find myself doubting Him at times. What’s it going to take for me to see He is faithful all the time? I’m reading a book and it talks about going after your God-inspired dreams. I feel like a stray sheep that doesn’t fit in with the flock of dreamers. I’ve not been given a dream. I’m lost and wandering (wondering too).

So angry with myself and in tears of repentance tonight because I pulled out the pudding at dinner. Eating has been going so well and I just had to put an end to it. I refuse to let Satan win and draw me back into captivity! God, forgive me and bring me back with a vengeance.

2/22: I feel awful today, and when I got to work I found out that I was filling the spot of a woman who went home sick yesterday with a stomach virus. Three others were saying they’ve been feeling bad too. The last thing my body needs right now is a virus. It would set me way back. I don’t know what I have, but I’m drained of energy and nauseated day and night. And it gets much worse after I eat. I have no appetite, and I’m very dehydrated due to peeing so much. My glucose gets out of control anytime something abnormal is going on in my body, hence many potty breaks. So stressful!

To read Rhonda’s backstory, click here.