1/19: I overdid it on the exercise. I’m sick to my stomach and miserable due to the guilt and shame I have. I hate, hate, hate disobeying God. Worked on job application and spent some time writing. I also reached out to a couple of businesses to see if they would make a charitable donation to LITM. I’m expecting God to accomplish great things through this fundraising event! I’ve been burdened half of the day because I’m suffering from doubt. It’s with doubt about whether or not the Spirit assured me of something I was prompted to pray in faith. If He did, why do I have any doubts? When it comes right down to it, I’m questioning myself. Whether or not I concocted the moving of the Spirit and His promise in prayer time or not. I’m in deep distress. I believe with all of my heart that God can heal us of anything. I also know that He allows us to remain with infirmity for His kingdom purpose and for our ultimate good. His glory is displayed in both situations. My devotions have all pointed to one theme; wait patiently on the LORD. I believe God laid it upon my heart to write the devotion yesterday morning about Peter keeping his focus. Little did I know it would speak to me the very next day!
1/20: After struggling between prayer and reading the Bible, I still didn’t have any sense of resolve of the doubt. I took a walk and spent the time thanking God and quoting Bible verses and meditated on things in the Bible. I kept thinking in my mind that God does not place doubts in our minds, nor does He cause us to be distraught and downcast. I do believe Satan and his army was at work. The evil one of this world is a triple D—doubt dealing devil. Satan would like nothing more than to tear down the faith that God is increasing in me. It was not long at all until I was strengthened in the LORD. The doubts ceased and were replaced by a joyful heart. God is beyond good!!!
1/22: I am doing poorly today. My appetite has been huge and blood glucose has been low all day. As soon as I satisfy my appetite, my glucose starts dropping and then I have to eat a snack or sugary drink even when I’m not hungry or thirsty. I’ve had insomnia and can’t even rest. The worst part of it all is that I couldn’t even focus enough tonight to pray and study because of fatigue. I did read something that struck me like never before. We put our faith to action because it pleases God. I want to please God and showed it by asking Him to give me a good night’s rest and to take away the restless legs symptoms. I’ve had restless legs for many, many years and can guarantee that whenever I lay down at night, there is no relief unless I take a pill to knock me out. No pill tonight. God is my help. I need rest to serve Him in any capacity, and I know this is His desire also.
1/23: I rested well and had fun at work. My blood glucose is still running on the low side despite consistently dropping my insulin dosage. I ate my snack on the way to work, and when I got there, they had pudding cake. I arose to the occasion and took one of the servings. It was good.
1/24: I spent some time digging out my summer clothes for the trip to Florida. I found something in 1 Kings that caught my attention. After Elijah challenged the prophets of Baal, he fell into a deep depression. He wouldn’t even eat he was so depressed. An Angel of the LORD appeared twice and told him to eat. The 2nd time the Angel instructed him to eat everything given because he would need the nourishment for a trip God was sending him on. The food Elijah ate kept him satisfied the entire 40 days of his trip. It is amazing all of the times the number 40 is in the Bible. I’ll definitely research this topic! This number is of great significance to me because I was 40 yrs. old when God turned me from my old worn path of destruction to a new path and wonderful journey.
1/25: Most of the day was spent in travel. We almost missed our flight because of several time-consuming delays. The rental home is very nice. We got here at about 8pm, and I was going to get in the pool, but the agent forgot to turn the heat on before our arrival. God’s hand has been at work in every detail of our trip. As I think back over today’s events I am tearful. To think that the God of the universe would even take the time or even care to work in such seemingly insignificant details. God is great, and God is good all the time!!