1/12: In my resolution to become more disciplined, I decided to go to the library for a couple of hours and put together a devotion. The director told me that at least one job will be opening up and that she will keep me posted. I think I’m losing weight. I’m eating significantly more and exercising much less. The only time I get weighed is at the doc’s office. I refuse to get on a home scale. It could be that I’m beginning to see just how thin I am. Ran into Brad (brother), and he said Ava has pink eye. Poor little thing. Prayer and study was lacking. I don’t like this sense of lack.
1/14: I’m in a bad mood today. Sometimes I have to wonder if demons are just waiting to oppress me. I don’t like being irritated and snippy with my parents. They are so patient with my terrible attitude. More patient than I would be.
1/15: Mom and I sang a special at church and the sense of the Holy Spirit penetrated the room. I know the Spirit ministered to many, that includes me! I had a blood sugar spike this afternoon was so nauseated so bad that I couldn’t stand up. After giving myself an extra shot of insulin, I fell into bed and cried myself to sleep. I went to Wal-Mart to get some information on laptops. I’d like to be able to purchase a newer and lighter one in the future and just wanted to see what’s available. I’m content with this laptop; I just think it needs some good updating.
1/16: I spent too much time walking today and wore myself out. I was sick to my stomach with regret later. There was a leadership meeting tonight, and Satan tried to pound me with guilt and convince me I shouldn’t be a part of the team. If I wasn’t so sure of God’s forgiveness and the way that He is transforming my mind, I would in a minute. God has begun a good work in me and will see me through to the end. My blood sugar was extremely low after the meeting. I wolfed down some food and went to bed.
1/17: My blood sugar has been low most of the day leaving me fatigued. I tried to get a nap because I got little sleep last night due to glucose drops. I couldn’t sleep, so I watched the LITM interview with me and Raelynn. I seemed so slow in processing and answering questions. I do believe with the increasing nutrition I’m getting God will heal my mental as well as physical well-being. Prayer tonight was amazingly beautiful. I had a deep sense of the Spirit’s movement when I prayed to be healed of diabetes (if it is God’s will) and for another request I won’t share. These are 2 requests that I pray every day among many others, but the strength of the Spirit in these 2 requests was like nothing I’d ever experienced before.
1/18: I had another bad night of low blood glucose, and it has been low most of the day today. For many years I’ve prayed that God would heal me of diabetes if it is His will. As I began to pray this tonight, I had a deep sense of the Holy Spirit and a power of strength in this request. I envisioned myself walking on the water, as Peter when Christ said, “Come.” I stepped out on the water twice; both times, I began to doubt and sink. I was relentless and unwilling to sink and not reach Jesus by faith. On the third try, I made it. His arms embraced me and I just stayed in my prayer position basking in the sense of freedom and rest. He walked with His arms around me back toward the boat. My family and I shared together our thoughts and experiences. Dad said we all need to be in specific prayer about this Holy Spirit movement, claim the promise and wait patiently.