Rhonda's Recovery Journey

“The footprints we leave behind show clearly where we have been, but they do not dictate where we can now go.” ~Ralph Martson

Week 30

1/5: I’m so thankful for the healing transformation God is doing in me! The Spirit is leading me to write a devotion on transformation. I did a brief search about the refining process of metals and plan to use it in the devotion. I didn’t want to pull from the same refiner’s fire sermons that pastors preach. I wanted to find something new. Much to my amazement, I did. At least it’s new to me. Learning scientific things and applying them to the Word gives me a sense of delight.

1/6: I’ve been overly consumed in trying to get arrangements made to go on vacation. Mom is much better at things like this, but she cannot do it at work. I got everything together the best I could. I’ve been spending more and more time with God. Last June, I was spending 2 minutes (tops) in Bible study and prayer. I can’t get enough now. I live and breathe it now. I’m undergoing amazing transformation and it’s wonderful!

1/7: Eating continues to improve. I even had rice with butter with my salmon and broccoli. I’ve been having an excited feeling lately. It’s like the feeling I get when I’m awaiting a gift, like a new pup. I felt so lost in study tonight because I just couldn’t grasp where the Spirit was leading. I did not give up until I found where I needed to be. Lesson: God’s servants must be empty vessels (empty of self) before He will give us a filling up and overflow of His abundance. I’ve come to experience joy that only comes from God, and that is one of the greatest riches He could’ve ever given a woman who once lived in constant misery!!!!

1/8: I’m tired and irritable. No sleep due to restless legs and cramps. I still have a longing for parental rah-rahs and encouragement. I wish it would go away. I find I get into “rut-thinking” when my focus is on myself.

1/9: Starting today, I began working on my lack of discipline. I began by setting aside an allotment of time for extra study and writing. God is teaching me to be faithful in small things. After I write, I feel like I’ve just had a dose of happy medicine. I can’t “bust a move” worth a hoot, but I do it anyway, in the Rhonda way.

1/10: I applied for a couple of jobs today. I have full faith that God will open/close doors according to His will. I know God doesn’t desire a life of wasted time, but I can’t help but think I’m wasting time because I have not been called to work. First, I want to follow in God’s plan and timing, but why does that have to include zero to very little income? I’m very confused about the issue. God spoke clearly to me tonight about my stewardship to Him. When it seems as if God is not assigning you to tasks, you’re probably in a “holding period.” This is an extensive time God is using to teach, refine and prepare you for the work He is doing that you will be a part of. Hold me, dear God!!!

1/11: Sent out applications for a couple of jobs I saw advertised which made me feel like I accomplished a little bit. I googled for awhile seeing how to make extra money from home. Wasted time. I noticed in prayer tonight I still harbor a degree of resentment toward a couple of people. I thought I had fully forgiven them, but my heart tells me otherwise. Please heal me of impure resentment, God. Give me the heart of love and forgiveness that you’ve shown toward me.

To read Rhonda’s backstory, click here.