12/15: My blood glucose was 33 when I woke this morning. I’m surprised I was even cognizant enough to get out of bed. The low made me hungrier, so I added some cereal to breakfast. I’m in an emotionally poor state. I’m edgy and depressed. I think a big part of it is that I want to work and pull in some income, but I haven’t been called in. The next time I’m scheduled is January 6th. Praying that God will open a door to another job. My stomach has been upset all day and I haven’t been up to par on food intake. Seasonal depression is the pits too!!!!
12/16: I had big plans to fill my time baking Christmas treats and delivering them to the nursing home. Depression is really working on me. It has been wearing on me and has just zapped my energy. I’m done. I’m so confused about my job situation. I need to be on a job and to be around people. I know this would help my mental state immensely. God created us for relationship. I did not become a Christian to hide in a pit away from society. It’s so easy to become self-centered when left alone. Please hear my cry and see my tears of anguish God. I’m confused and hurting, but I know You are true and faithful and will light my way.
12/18: I’m just so fed up with this pudding and yogurt habit! I don’t even know if I really try to resist it because the craving is so fierce. This is the one area where I haven’t relinquished control to God. I want to move on, but I have this load that I’ve chosen to bear. How long are you going to hold on to this handicap, Rhonda?
12/19: I’m in a better mood today. Sent Mark (my brother) a birthday e-card early this morning. Dad and I went for a short walk while the demo and construction guys worked on the new barn. The old one was ready to be demolished years ago. I helped him pick out some earrings for mom for Christmas. We found them quicker than I thought we would. I can see a transformation in my thought patterns daily. The more I study and pray, the more I begin to trust Him. Using food as a comfort has significantly decreased. I tried a small scoop of mac n’ cheese for the first time in about 24 years. It brought a smile to my lips. Something inside of me is stirring. It’s a feeling like something big is about to happen. It’s like I know it’s coming, but I can’t see it and I don’t know what it is. Whatever it is, it’s on the near horizon.
12/20: I have a tickled joyous feeling. I know the joy of God is upon me. There’s no other feeling like it in the world. It’s the most wonderful and fulfilling joy that I could ever wish. Went to the library to return some books. I went in with 2 and came out with 3. I’m starving to learn! God is really trying to send me a message because the 2 books I read this week and the ones I picked up today all have the same line of thought. God can and will do mighty things through a humble weak person. He has an abundance of gifts waiting for those who love Him and walk in obedience.
12/21: Went for a walk after breakfast. The sunlight has me happier than a fritter. I also have the same Holy Spirit joy that I’ve had the past couple of days. Much to my dismay, the past two weeks of journal entries were almost completely obliterated. Not a clue how this is even possible, but I had to spend much time retyping it all. I baked cookies and loaded them in bags for some people at the nursing home. I’m excited to brighten someone’s day this week. My question from my study this morning: Why was Jeremiah “confined to go into the house of the LORD”? Answer: I sifted through several commentaries and none had a clear cut answer. Maybe ill, imprisoned, fear, etc… I don’t like it when I can’t arrive with a clear-cut answer.