12/8: Meal portioning is improving, and I continue to increase food consumption. It warmed my heart to get birthday greetings from friends and family. Just a simple “Happy Birthday” shows me that so many people took the time to type this note of care. It makes me smile. Dad wanted to take me out today to buy me something special. We came home empty handed. I don’t need anything. I’ve been blessed just by having parents who love me so much. We settled in and dad started singing “We Wish You a Merry Christmas” instead of “Happy Birthday to You.” Oopsies can be quite humorous! We celebrated with a sugar-free angel food cake w/toppings. It has been a delightful day.
12/9: So happy for the victory today! All praise to God!!!! I was able to avoid pudding and yogurt. I ate a big old chunk of my birthday “cake” instead. BAM! I feel so strong, I could yank Mt. Everest out of the ground. I spent all evening typing another devotion God brought me to yesterday. I felt so happy and thankful that I bundled up and took a walk through the dark field with my light and took in the serenity around me.
12/10: After an excellent breakfast I went for a walk. I ran into a neighbor and he informed me that his deceased mother-in-law’s vehicles would not be up for sale. Both cars have high mileage and other issues. I know God will lead me to a vehicle when the time is right, He always has. Went to hear a brass band play at the local convention center. They were very good. As soon as lunch was over, mom and I went to do grocery and Christmas shopping. Brad called to see if he could drop off Ava while they go out to eat. As usual, her little hands were in everything. She loves to pull out the colored Tupperware, pots, and pans. She also loves to empty out the bathroom drawer. Getting her to put everything back isn’t quite so easy, nor is it fun. She did manage to break mom’s musical Christmas snow globe. I know I was unable to have children for a reason. God knows what’s best even when we can’t see it at the time. I’m still doing better with the evening snack.
12/11: The more I add to my meals, the greater and more frequent my hunger is. I just have to depend upon what my body is telling me and feed it more food more often. I’m learning to trust God and the design He has purposed for my human body. I know I can’t be fully effective or efficient if I don’t tend to my body’s physical nutrition. Today has been overcast and dreary, so my spirits are a little down. This is far better than what it used to be. In the past, if I had a day where I didn’t exercise and the day was dreary, I’d have been handicapped by severe depression so bad that I’d go to bed to try to escape it. Those were the days when I was even on anti-depressants. Reflecting back on these things helps me to see how much God has done and continues to do. I spent much time in study and prayer and enjoyed the evening baking. I love to bake. If my grandma was still alive, I’d get together with her to pursue a business. She enjoyed so many of the same things.
12/12: I’ll get it out there right now. I did play around in pudding for a time at lunch. After I began dabbling, I completely stopped and put down my spoon. I sat and questioned my thoughts and actions. I’m anxious about eating out tonight. I’m a mix of excited and nervous. I feel as if I’m on display for the world to see because my eating patterns are pretty well exposed on the www. I want to be able to eat without inhibition of being judged, but I’m not at that point yet. As a matter of fact, I googled the menu to see nutrition facts prior to today. I’m honest because I know that God is continuing to heal these areas, and I refuse to be bound by lies and secrecy. I see the changes that God has done just in these past few months, and I’m awed. I am actually excited about going out to eat tonight and my stomach isn’t even voraciously churning due to anxiety. I haven’t even had any thoughts of making some lame excuse and canceling out. The evening with the LITM team was delightful. As always, every single woman there has an amazing heart for God and His will. I did have a little faux pas at dinner. I scooped up 3 pieces of what I thought were parts of tiny sautéed mushrooms. Those little dudes tricked me. They were garlic cloves. After chewing a moment I didn’t know what I was eating, only that it definitely wasn’t mushrooms. When my brain sensory met my taste sensory, I realized what I’d eaten. Well, I was very swollen and stinky this evening. I love the way God allows me to have these funny moments to myself.
12/13: I went for a little walk through the snow-covered woods this morning. Seeing the snow on the ground and trees was beautiful. I found the perfect photo-op, but the camera battery was deader than a doornail. I spent much of the morning in study and prayer.