12/1: I’ve been in a solemn, quiet mood today. I think it’s because this ordeal with insurance coverage and the need for pump supplies is out of my control. Work went well. The continual twisting made my back ache even worse than it usually does. One thing is sure; as I get older my back gets worse. I attended the Ladies’ Christmas Banquet. I’d love to be able to report back saying it was easy, but it wasn’t. It was rough. It was so hard looking at the plate of oily salad and loaded cheese lasagna. I felt like bursting into tears at first, but forged through it with thoughts of thankfulness to God for placing this opportunity before me and for sisters in Christ to dine with. The skit, singing and game helped to keep me focused on fun and not food. The struggles of the mind are fierce and must be challenged in order to move forward.
12/2: Mom got off work early and the 3 of us went to Florence, KY. to shop. The mall was our last stop, and when mom and I were exiting the mall, dad was walking from the car into the mall. The car battery was dead. He mistakenly thought the lights on the car automatically shut off. Security gave him some lame excuse as to why it’d take 2 hours before they could give us a jump. After a family pow-wow, I suggested asking a mechanic at Sears if they could help. A customer overheard dad talking to an employee and generously offered to help. If the man with the white taxi van is reading this; thank you from the bottom of my heart!!! This man even tried to refuse being paid for his service. The thought of eating dinner was harder than usual just because we didn’t get home until 7PM, and a light snack was all I wanted to allow myself. I ate dinner despite my feelings and never gave it a second thought. Old thought patterns are hard to break.
12/3: Breakfast and lunch went well and the hold that exercise has on my mind continues to decrease. I continue to experience depression due to the exercise decrease. This has always been my shot of serotonin for the day. I continue to deal with depression, but I know it will get better as time goes on. Mom and I bummed around the ‘Burg (the city of Lawrenceburg) and went to the city’s Christmas parade. The main reason I wanted to go was to see the pet parade. I miss my Maggie immensely. Putting her to sleep last year was hard. She was “my precious.” I had to rest after lunch because I just felt depressed. Went to Dollar General with mom to try to find a pair of sweat pants. No luck. I have the house all to myself tonight, so I settled in, turned on Christmas music, decorated the tree, and made a wreath to hang on the door. I enjoyed the quiet of the evening.
12/4: The cool weather and lack of sunlight has me feeling blah. I’ve been missing my deceased dog lately. After a good lunch, I cruised to Wal-Mart and found a cute pair of Christmas earrings with dogs on them. This brought joy to my heart. I ate one whole pudding after lunch instead of dabbling around in several and also cut down on the bedtime snack (pudding/yogurt).
12/5: After a good breakfast, mom went with me to Greensburg for my Endocrine Doctor’s appt. My A1C has decreased but so has my weight. I’m down 2 lbs. from my appt. 3.5 months ago. I’m pressed to increase my calorie intake. We spent the rest of the afternoon shopping. It really helps me to have mom around. I tend to do better on food and exercise when she’s home. I’m feeling a little anxious about Wednesday’s video taping at Raelynn’s house. I’m not much of a talker and I don’t really like being on camera. At this point, I’m not prepared for the questions I’ll be asked.
12/6: It has been a rainy and gloomy day, but I haven’t been depressed. Spent 30 minutes on the elliptical and felt satisfied. The exercise addiction has significantly decreased and hasn’t affected my food intake. I usually begin cutting calories when I cut exercise. I’m meeting Raelynn and the team at Olive Garden and just had to look up the menu. Of course, I went straight to the lighter fare. Judging from the information, it looks like anything on the menu is going to be a challenge. I believe God will see me through with flying colors. My insulin pump supplies arrived. I’m so thankful!!!
12/7: I haven’t chewed up food and spit it out since June. What a delight to look back and see progress. I spent some time at Raelynn’s house video taping a Q & A session about my journey. I’m so thankful to be alive to share. While mom and dad were out celebrating their 42nd anniversary, I set up a makeshift desk for study. I’ve been searching for weeks for a quote I heard many years ago in an interview session on TV that I wrote down. After setting up my new study site, I decided I wanted a fresh tablet of paper to use for notes. I dug out a notebook that was stashed away to see if it was used or not. The page it fell on was the quote. Raindrops from heaven!!!
“Satan builds his strongholds in the secrets of our lives and reinforces them by silence. When we break the silence, we break the strongholds.”