Rhonda's Recovery Journey

“The footprints we leave behind show clearly where we have been, but they do not dictate where we can now go.” ~Ralph Martson

Week 24

11/24: My brother, Mark, called from North Carolina with Thanksgiving greetings. I think he’s homesick because this is the first Thanksgiving he and his family aren’t able to be together. Christmas doesn’t look promising either. It feels like an empty hole without them. Brad arrived with Ava, and Amanda had to study. She came to eat lunch with us, and they stayed until 3pm. Brad was edgy and negative all day. Hopefully, it is due to sobriety. I ate well at lunch and didn’t try to hide my food under a napkin like I used to do. I was hungry 1.5 hours later and ate an apple to hold me until dinner. Mom and I went to Goody’s and Wal-Mart for Black Thursday savings.

11/25: I’m so down about the stagnancy of eating changes. Shouldn’t I just be able to eat any food I desire without thinking about it? I desire so much just to be able to eat without contemplation. I haven’t been able to find a secluded spot to study and pray because there are no quiet places when all of us are together in this small house. I’d be outside if it wasn’t so cold. I feel lost and alone. I have to pray aloud because I can’t keep focus otherwise. I get distracted very easily. I was so miserable by evening that I went to my room and sacrificed my struggles to God. Saw improvement with evening snack.

11/26: I’ve done so well with eating today. I measured out yogurt and didn’t touch pudding until evening snack. I’m so happy. God boosted my joy at Lowe’s! I saw some cut-off Christmas tree branches in the outdoor garden department. I asked if I could have them. She said I could, and off we (mom and I) went hauling out the jackpot!!! Time to make an odorlicious wreath.

11/27: Mom and I sang this morning and it went well. I did well on measuring and food portioning at meals and snacks. A challenge presented itself at church, so I signed up for the Ladies’ Christmas Dinner this Thursday. I am now enlisted and obligated. It’s time for a test of faith.

11/29: Spent hours trying to find a different in-network insulin pump supply company. I’m thankful to have insurance, but it is a hassle in every way. It stresses me out!!!!

11/30: As I was in study and prayer in the field, I had the pleasure of observing God’s creation in action. I sat quietly and watched 5 cardinals and 2 blue jays hop around in the same thicket of branches. What a beautiful sight!! It brought to mind how much God loves us.
“Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But even the hairs on your head are all numbered. Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows” (Matt. 10: 29-31).

To read Rhonda’s backstory, click here.