10/13: In prayer and study, God led me to Hebrews 6. As I read through all of the cross-references, I found things which pertained to the helmet of salvation which I’ve been studying. There were also evidences of God’s unfailing faithfulness, hope and blessings to His followers. I got a chance to talk to dad about some of what I’ve been learning. All those years in Bible seminary and ministry certainly paid off for him. He is a wellspring of biblical knowledge and insight. I received the book The Three Battlegrounds in the mail today! Yet again I gave into the flesh and O.D.’d on the exercise and night snack.
10/14: I have been in deep study on the helmet of salvation and I began reading my new book. My mind has been teeming with precepts from God’s Word today. I was able to put up a little more resistance to the bedtime snack and exercise struggle. It’s so hard, but I feel so joyful and strong when I’ve stood against these addictions. I know God is due all the glory and gratitude because I know, wholeheartedly, I could not do it in my own power.
10/15: I didn’t want to walk this morning, and mom questioned my choice. “You’re not walking this morning? That’s not like you,” she said. Nope it not me, it’s ALL God. After lunch we all went to Goodwill and to a park to walk. My blood sugar dropped, so I ate dinner at top speed like I was starving. I settled down to read after dinner. Evening snack went well tonight. Ahhh. What a relief!
10/16: Had my “God time” as usual in the field. This is my time to fuel up for the day. I desire it and look forward to it. At church today I signed up for the Pinewood Derby. I’m sure the event will involve a pizza lunch, but I will not fear. I refuse to let fear hinder me from fun and fellowship.
10/17: My heart has been heavy since this afternoon. The burden that my friend shared with me a couple of weeks ago has come to fruition. It has been a rough emotional day because this problem involves a family member and affects many family and friends. Any addiction that a person has creates rippling effects. Although I’ve eaten, I have no appetite. I’m heartsick. I’m praying that God will give us all peace, wisdom and assurance during this time. My devotion was about Hagar this morning and I almost felt empty after reading it. Genesis 16 did not satisfy my spiritual appetite. After this rough family problem came about, I realized why God laid this passage upon my heart. The Angel of the LORD told Hagar to name her new son Ishmael which means “God hears.” And Hagar called the LORD, “You are the God Who Sees,” so the well that was there was called “Beer Lahai Roi” which means “Well of the One Who Lives and Sees Me.” God has this family situation in His hands, He sees, hears, and loves everyone involved and is working in the spiritual realm. He hears my cries and sees my tears and anguish.
10/18: I’ve noticed a transformation taking place in my thoughts. I no longer look around and long to “equal up to” others. My fears of failure and rejection have decreased to almost nil. My faith in God is increasing steadily. I visited with my brother’s girlfriend and my niece. We got a chance to talk about the family “issue” which gave me a chance to share my personal struggle with addiction. Amanda is the type who listens and doesn’t criticize. She’s like the sister I never had. Tonight my family has been a little more light-hearted. Yesterday was rough, and the nights haven’t been any easier.
10/19: I haven’t compulsively exercised since 10/13! I haven’t even desired to over-exercise. There’s either something physically going on or I’m being mentally transformed. I feel no guilt for not exercising either. I do believe a miracle is happening!