By Alison Feinauer
I just got back from vacation. On our cruise ship there was a ropes course over the ocean. From the deck of the ship, it didn’t seem too bad. Looking up at the three story course and all the people doing it, they made it seem fun and easy. Now I’m not one for heights or risks, but my 8 year old begged me to go with him, and I couldn’t resist.
We got strapped into our harnesses, and I kept checking to make sure they were secure. The first portion was a single plank that we walked across. It was over the ocean, about 17 stories over the ocean! I was scared to death! But I kept hearing in my head, “Put one foot in front of the other… just one step at a time.” I got past the first little bit and could breathe. There was a zip line and some other challenges, and the course was 3 layers high. I kept thinking, “This will get easier. I’m secure.” But it wasn’t easier. It was harder. But I was more confident, more secure and could look back to see how far I’d come.
I know when I first came out with my eating disorder, I was afraid to actually say the words out loud. I felt like I was walking the plank, exposing my secret shame. And what if I fall? I had my harness on, which is Jesus’s grace and forgiveness. But I didn’t realize how secure and safe they would make me until I got further onto the healing journey. The further I went and the more I dug into my heart, it wasn’t easier. I just knew that God was there to secure me and love me.
There were times I thought I couldn’t make an event or holiday without dieting or obsessing, but then I’d look back at how far I’d come and how much I’d grown to love myself the way he loved me. It gave me the power to press through and remember what He had done for me.
I made it to the end of the course! Wow! I was thankful to be done. The next day my son asked me to go again. I said, yes. I will take the journey again because I know the end. In my weakness, He is strong.
I would take this weakness (my eating disorder) all over again because I know when we give Jesus access to our weakness, He gets all the glory. A friend told me that we have to fight against the world that tells us to cover it up. I say, show it! Unleash your weakness because it allows God to be your strength and security. Living in His strength and security, we can offer to others the same love we’ve received.
“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand” (Isaiah 41:10).
“My help comes from the Lord, Who made heaven and earth” (Psalm 121:2).